So....

I realized I haven't been posting as much as I probably should. So, I am going to post now. :)

Hey! Guess what! It's April. Do you know what that means? Its Autism Awareness month!! Every year in April, my family replaces the outdoor lights with blue lights for "Light it up blue" Autism Awareness month. I know it's a small act, and that some people don't understand, but it feels great to be able to show that I support in some way.

Subject change!

So there is this kid. In my Seminary class. I find him attractive. He doesn't know I write a blog, or let alone exist probably, but I think I may be developing a crush. Like I have been for the past... four months. Yeah. He's great. Just thought y'all should know that the love life is good. Kinda.

There is only 50 days till I turn the big 16. Not that I'm counting.... I am excited for the driving because I can go out and actually do things, without my mom or dad or brother having to drive me. I am pretty pumped. I am excited to get a job. Believe it or not, I really really want a job. I have since I was twelve. I want to be able to have money to go out and do things! I want to be able to shop, and actually pay tithing. I mean, when the bishop asks, "Izzy, have you payed a full tithe?" What am I supposed to say? "Why yes Bishop. I have taken my parents money and payed my tithing." NO. I do pay my tithing with my babysitting money, and several dollars every now and then, but what does a "full tithe" consist of when you have no money to pay tithing with? I am most excited for the dating though. It will be fun to go out and get to know a guy just for fun. I am not looking for or wanting a serious relationship, because those always turn out bad at my age. I know from experience. Trust me. But the dating will be great. The only thing I fear is that I won't get asked. I have a fear in the back of my brain that I will be sitting at home, alone. For Prom, for weekend dates, for anything really. All of my friends (who are all gorgeous) will be out finding that one perfect person, and I will be alone.

Did you know that my biggest fear is being rejected and alone? I'm not even joking. When someone asks me what I fear the most I say "being rejected and alone. And spiders."

So yeah. I'm scared.

I don't have a lot of self-confidence. I know that it may come as a shock to some of you because I am so out there, but I am so out there so that people pay attention to my weird personality and not the physical aspect of me.

My dad got a new job!! It pays more, and he loves it. The only down side is that he is gone Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and sometimes Thursday. I don't get to see my Daddy three or four of the seven days of the week. I miss him. He got back today though, and it will be awesome having him around all the time for half of the week. :)

Now on to more depressing things.

#prayforboston.

This is a very wicked world that we live in my loved ones. I am heart broken by how evil this world truly is. I advise you all to stick to what you believe in. If you are LDS, cling to the gospel like your life depends on it, because truthfully, it does. I am heartbroken for the victims, and the victims’ families. No one deserves to go through something like that. So many left this world that day to go back to live with their Heavenly Father. It is a joyous, but very sad thing. I have prayed for Boston every night since it has happened. I hope you have too. 

I just want you all to know something. If I died tomorrow, I would want you all to know that I love you. Each and every one of you has affected my life in some way. Whether it be good, or bad, I am grateful for the journey. You all mean so much to me.

There. Now you all know.

Ok, back from depressing topics.

PROM!

Prom is coming up in 23 days. I am so excited for everyone that has been asked. I desperately want to go, but I'm not expecting it. *cough* *cough* BOYS!! I'M AVAILABLE!!! *cough* *cough*

I gave away my bunny this past week. I gave him to a family with children, so that he will be lived and played with. I loved him, and still do, but he deserved more than just sitting in a cage all day. I hope he is happier now...

Well… That's about it. I will try to update more often, but no promises.

Ps... Attached is a picture we had professionally done during Easter.

Turning to the Lord

This last week I have realized how much I really need the Lord. Every trial we go through, it needs to be with the Lord walking right beside us. Throughout this past week, I had to go through a lot of trials. I tried to not turn to him. I tried to do it by myself. And guess what? I couldn't. I absolutely can't do it without everyday help from the Lord. I can't make it through the day without the Lord whispering in my ear at least once "You can do it Izzy." or "You'll be okay. I promise. You will make it through this."

My friend Tyler passed away this week. It really hit me hard. But this time I decided to ask for help. Just to see what happened. And he was there every step of the way. Every time I felt sorrow remembering my friend was gone, I felt this overwhelming sense of comfort and love. I knew that Tyler was okay, and he was doing perfectly fine.

You know how I feel about needles right? I hate them with all of my soul. You know what I hate even more? Needles in my mouth. That's right. I went and got cavities filled. (Not my fault! My teeth didn't develop right so they came in with cavities on them. Don't judge kay?) On the way to the dentist this last Friday, I was feeling very anxious and scared. I prayed that I wouldn't be. I prayed that I would be able to feel peace coming into this. It worked. They gave me laughing gas. The Lord works in mysterious ways my friends. ;)

I realized that I want the Lord in my life. I can't do it without him. I need that sense of stability in my ever changing teenage life.

Today in Young Women's we learned about the Grace Of God. There is one quote that I would like to share that I really pulled out of that lesson.

 "By the Grace of God we are saved, AFTER all we can do.”

Love it. We need to do everything we possibly can. We need to give this life our all, and after we do that, it’s still not enough. But our God is merciful, our God loves us. Our god is willing to say, “Hey, It’s alright. You did your best and that’s all that matters. Come home to me my child.”

There have been many times in my life where I have knelt before the Lord saying, “Please? Please just give me one more chance.” He never says no to that. I turn to the Lord whenever I can. I love the relationship I have with him. I hope that you do too.

I would like to close this post with my testimony if you don’t mind.

I know this gospel is true. I know that the Lord loves us. Christ died for us because he loves us too. He knows what we go through. I know that when he was in the Garden of Gethsemane he had a personal moment with each and every one of us. I have a strong testimony of the atonement and its powers. I know that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God and he translated the Book of Mormon. I know that President Monson is the prophet of the Lord. The Holy Ghost tells me all of these things are true. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.