It is day (night) two of my college experience. So far I have done roughly 9 hours of homework, attended 5 classes, slept not nearly enough, and cried more times than I can count. Is it too early to say that I can't wait for this semester to be over?
I moved into the Mountain Loft apartments in Rexburg Idaho on Friday September 11th, 2015. My Mom and I made the trek (roughly a four hour drive) to Idaho the Thursday before, so we wouldn't have to wake up at 5 A.M. on my move in day. I said goodbye to my little brothers before they left for school that Thursday morning, and wrote a goodbye to them on the sidewalk outside my house for them to find when they got back. Just before I left, I had to say goodbye to my Dad. He sat me down, and taught me a very important lesson that really touched my heart. The gist of it was "You don't have to be the best, to be good enough for The Lord". Needless to say, there were many tears shed as he then told a story about my childhood, and a reunion he and I had shared after spending some time apart when I was six. I don't know exactly when I will get to see my Dad again, but I know that reunion will be just as sweet as the one 12 years ago.
We said our final goodbyes, hugged one last time, and my Mom and I hit the road. She drove the suburban with all of my things piled into it, and I drove my 1999 Honda Civic, praying that it would get there in one piece.
We reached Idaho Falls where we would spend the night without much incident, and at 10 o'clock the next day started moving me into my new apartment in Rexburg. None of it seemed real. I felt like I was simply going to a camp, or to EFY again. Later, I met with my I-team, which was basically a bunch of freshman who don't know what they're doing, running around campus with two "counselors" (not really) trying to figure out how to navigate this gigantic school before having to go to class that Monday. So that was fun.
I ditched my I-team a little early that Friday, so that I could go on one last grocery shopping trip with my Mom. She bought me enough groceries to last me until the end of the semester. I kid you not. My entire cupboard is full of food. My fridge is overflowing. The freezer won't close. But hey. No complaints here.
After the adventure of fighting our way through the parent filled Walmart(and Albertsons), we made our way back to the apartment, and unloaded everything. At this point it was getting pretty late, and my Mom still had a four hour drive ahead of her, so we decided it was time to part ways. I walked her out to her car as she was listing off things that I still needed to do, quietly reassuring her that I was going to be just fine. She engulfed me in one more hug that didn't last long enough, before looking me in the eyes and asking one more time: "Are you okay?"
Fighting back the tears, I told her I was doing great, and that I was excited to start this new chapter in my life. She got into her car, and I blew her a kiss before disappearing back into my hall so that she couldn't see me cry. That night, my roommate was staying with her Mom in a hotel before she had to leave, so I sat on my bed putting pictures on my wall as the tears rolled down my face, leaving lines on my cheeks where the makeup was gradually washed away.
I was alone.
My parents were gone.
I had no friends.
I had no one to turn to.
So I turned to The Lord.
I prayed harder that night than I have in a while. I poured out my heart to him. Told him how scared I was. How unsure of myself I am. Told him how much I already missed the familiar faces that I saw not too long ago.
And he heard me. I know that he did.
My roommates have been such a blessing to me. They are so funny, and so kind. I was definitely placed with them for a reason.
I recently got a calling in my YSA ward. I am so grateful for this opportunity to be able to serve my new ward family, and get to know them a little better.
All of my classes are amazing. We always start with a hymn and a prayer, and you can feel the spirit so strongly no matter where you are on campus.
I'm still trying to make friends, haven't really done that yet, nor have I gotten asked on any dates. That will all happen with time.
I hope.
So it is only day two (technically day 5), and I am very homesick for a home that I've left behind.
But then again, it is only day two and I have so much to look forward to.
If you wouldn't mind sending some prayers my way I would greatly appreciate it.
I love you all so much.
I love this gospel and testify of its truthfulness. The Lord is always here. He is always with us. He will never forsake us.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
My life, my story. Me. You're fantastic! *insert kissy face emoji here*
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
September. Single digits.
I move to Idaho in 9 days.
Sorry I'm not sure if you read that right. I move out of the state of Utah, where all of my friends and family are, into the great unknown, by myself, IN 9 DAYS.
I am so excited. My semester at BYU-I starts unusually late (September 14th), so while all of my friends have been attending class for the past week, settling into their dorms, and getting used to the whole "college" thing, I have been sitting in my parents house, with nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no one to do things with. (Except the occasional non-college going friend.) Can you see how this could get boring after a while?
I am ready to go. I have a "College corner" in my room, where everything that I am going to take to college with me is currently sitting. I have everything I need, except for some kitchen supplies that I will need for my apartment.
Unfortunately, along with moving out comes some other adult things. These things include, but are not limited to: If I am going to stay at BYU-I or transfer to a different school next semester, If I am going to move back in with my parents this December, if I am going to serve a mission (currently I am leaning towards yes, but this is still something I need to really think about), if I really want to pursue psychology or if I am destined for something else.. So on and so forth. I know that I am the only one that can make these decisions, but sometimes I really wish someone would sit me down, and tell me what would bring me the most happiness.
I know that I need to pray, and fast about these things (and trust me. I have.), but that doesn't make it any easier when there are so many things that I need to decide in a short amount of time. Also, I am the type of person so second guess my decisions, just because I am afraid to make the wrong one, and screw everything up. One time, it took me like.. 3 full minutes to decide what type of bread to get at the store. So, any advice from you guys would help me out.
Adulting is hard guys.
I really wish high school had had a class entitled: "How to Land on Your Feet Once You Graduate and are Thrown Into the Adult World of Taxes, Bills, College, Marriage, and Decision Making". I feel like a lot of students, including myself, would have benefited in taking a class like this.
In other news, Elder Tolen has been out on his mission for 11 months today! He is almost half way done! How crazy. Time flies I guess. If I do decide to serve a mission, I will most likely leave before he gets home, so I won't actually see him for roughly another 31 months... That's gross. But hey. We will see what happens right?
I love asking him for advice. I can feel the spirit through his words. I mean, I don't always follow his advice because a lot of the time it consists of "Nope break up with this boy", or "post better stuff on my Instagram page", but other than that he really helps me to know what I should do. So I really do take all of his advice into serious consideration. Even the examples above. I have a testimony that when we are doing what we should be, and we are in tune with the spirit, we can receive answers to our questions and our prayers. But a lot of the time The Lord is going to let you make the decision, and stand behind you on it, if it is what you should do. If not, he will be there when we fail. Our goal in this life is to become like God, and how are we supposed to do that if he makes all of our decisions for us, right? "God can't move a parked car".
Are you a parked car, waiting for God to do something? Or are you a moving car, ready for God to direct your path, and lead you to places you never dreamed of driving to?
I guess I should listen to my own advice.
Goodnight everyone.
Sorry I'm not sure if you read that right. I move out of the state of Utah, where all of my friends and family are, into the great unknown, by myself, IN 9 DAYS.
I am so excited. My semester at BYU-I starts unusually late (September 14th), so while all of my friends have been attending class for the past week, settling into their dorms, and getting used to the whole "college" thing, I have been sitting in my parents house, with nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no one to do things with. (Except the occasional non-college going friend.) Can you see how this could get boring after a while?
I am ready to go. I have a "College corner" in my room, where everything that I am going to take to college with me is currently sitting. I have everything I need, except for some kitchen supplies that I will need for my apartment.
Unfortunately, along with moving out comes some other adult things. These things include, but are not limited to: If I am going to stay at BYU-I or transfer to a different school next semester, If I am going to move back in with my parents this December, if I am going to serve a mission (currently I am leaning towards yes, but this is still something I need to really think about), if I really want to pursue psychology or if I am destined for something else.. So on and so forth. I know that I am the only one that can make these decisions, but sometimes I really wish someone would sit me down, and tell me what would bring me the most happiness.
I know that I need to pray, and fast about these things (and trust me. I have.), but that doesn't make it any easier when there are so many things that I need to decide in a short amount of time. Also, I am the type of person so second guess my decisions, just because I am afraid to make the wrong one, and screw everything up. One time, it took me like.. 3 full minutes to decide what type of bread to get at the store. So, any advice from you guys would help me out.
Adulting is hard guys.
I really wish high school had had a class entitled: "How to Land on Your Feet Once You Graduate and are Thrown Into the Adult World of Taxes, Bills, College, Marriage, and Decision Making". I feel like a lot of students, including myself, would have benefited in taking a class like this.
In other news, Elder Tolen has been out on his mission for 11 months today! He is almost half way done! How crazy. Time flies I guess. If I do decide to serve a mission, I will most likely leave before he gets home, so I won't actually see him for roughly another 31 months... That's gross. But hey. We will see what happens right?
I love asking him for advice. I can feel the spirit through his words. I mean, I don't always follow his advice because a lot of the time it consists of "Nope break up with this boy", or "post better stuff on my Instagram page", but other than that he really helps me to know what I should do. So I really do take all of his advice into serious consideration. Even the examples above. I have a testimony that when we are doing what we should be, and we are in tune with the spirit, we can receive answers to our questions and our prayers. But a lot of the time The Lord is going to let you make the decision, and stand behind you on it, if it is what you should do. If not, he will be there when we fail. Our goal in this life is to become like God, and how are we supposed to do that if he makes all of our decisions for us, right? "God can't move a parked car".
Are you a parked car, waiting for God to do something? Or are you a moving car, ready for God to direct your path, and lead you to places you never dreamed of driving to?
I guess I should listen to my own advice.
Goodnight everyone.
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Time to hit the road
I guess it is time to update my blog.
It is currently 1:48 in the morning, on August 11th, 2015.
I am sitting on my bed in a hoodie and the shorts I have spent the day in, because I am too lazy to actually change.
My life is different. Really different. I feel like it always changes between blog posts. Probably because I only post every like... three full moons. But whatever. This is my blog, I do what I want I guess.
Like I said, my life is different.
I have graduated high school, Zach has been gone for 10 months, I have become an adult, (I turned 18), boys have come and gone (some leaving a much bigger impact on me than others)....
Oh.
And I move out in a month.
I am attending BYU-I up in Rexburg Idaho, so it seemed like a logical reason to get an apartment up there so I don't have to make a 5 hour commute everyday. I am moving to Idaho. Land of the potatoes. and college kids.
I can't say that I am scared to move out. I mean, yeah, I have anxiety about some things, like.. I have to actually cook for myself, and I will need to make sure that I do my laundry, and I have to actually remind myself to do my homework so I don't fail at this whole 'college' thing... But other than that... I think I can say I am ready to spread my wings and really discover who I am without my parents and family.
I am in no way saying that I won't miss my home, and I don't love my family to death. Don't take it as that. All I mean, is that I think I am ready to know what it feels like to be independent.
Ever since.. probably my 10th grade year, I feel like I have been stuck reading the same page of the chapter of the same book of the same series.
I am ready to turn the page. I am ready to get to the next chapter. Heck, I am even ready to get to the next book. (Entitled Sister Tolen: A super sick missionary)
Now at this point you may be thinking "Izzy, you are just an immature 18 year old. You don't know what you're talking about".
And that is where I tell you you are wrong.
I have been through some major stuff in my life. Stuff that I never. EVER. want to relive. From going to several of my friends funerals, to having to rediscover my faith, I feel like I had to grow up way too fast. I didn't enjoy high school. I didn't enjoy being bullied. I didn't enjoy saying goodbye to two of my best friends who moved away the day after graduation.
I feel like I am ready for something new,
I feel like I am ready for people to take me seriously.
To not look at me like "some 18 year old".
WOW that got pretty serious. Sorry homies! It's late. forgive me.
I recently found out who my roommates are, and I can't even begin to describe the excitement I have to meet these lovely girls, and become amazing friends. I am staying in the Mountain Loft apartments, so if you want to send me care packages (food), or letters (or food), I will be happy to give you my address! (but really I am a college student please help me)
I am taking a bunch of cool classes, (five to be exact). They are,
Russian
English
Orchestra
Math (less cool)
and
Religion.
I also got a super sick backpack so if that doesn't make me some friends then I don't know what will.
I still have some shopping to do, I need to get my bedding, and some kitchen supplies, and maybe a razor scooter, so I am not quite done getting ready.
So, as I move away, and I go on a mission and get married.. Don't forget to remind me to tell you guys I care about you. Because when my life gets hectic, I tend to become pretty narcissistic, and I don't really talk to anyone else.
But as college grows closer and my move out day looms in the distance, I can't help but feel... Pumped.
Time to hit the road.
Look out world. Here I come.
P.S. I can buy dry ice now. (and vote but that isn't nearly as cool obviously.)
It is currently 1:48 in the morning, on August 11th, 2015.
I am sitting on my bed in a hoodie and the shorts I have spent the day in, because I am too lazy to actually change.
My life is different. Really different. I feel like it always changes between blog posts. Probably because I only post every like... three full moons. But whatever. This is my blog, I do what I want I guess.
Like I said, my life is different.
I have graduated high school, Zach has been gone for 10 months, I have become an adult, (I turned 18), boys have come and gone (some leaving a much bigger impact on me than others)....
Oh.
And I move out in a month.
I am attending BYU-I up in Rexburg Idaho, so it seemed like a logical reason to get an apartment up there so I don't have to make a 5 hour commute everyday. I am moving to Idaho. Land of the potatoes. and college kids.
I can't say that I am scared to move out. I mean, yeah, I have anxiety about some things, like.. I have to actually cook for myself, and I will need to make sure that I do my laundry, and I have to actually remind myself to do my homework so I don't fail at this whole 'college' thing... But other than that... I think I can say I am ready to spread my wings and really discover who I am without my parents and family.
I am in no way saying that I won't miss my home, and I don't love my family to death. Don't take it as that. All I mean, is that I think I am ready to know what it feels like to be independent.
Ever since.. probably my 10th grade year, I feel like I have been stuck reading the same page of the chapter of the same book of the same series.
I am ready to turn the page. I am ready to get to the next chapter. Heck, I am even ready to get to the next book. (Entitled Sister Tolen: A super sick missionary)
Now at this point you may be thinking "Izzy, you are just an immature 18 year old. You don't know what you're talking about".
And that is where I tell you you are wrong.
I have been through some major stuff in my life. Stuff that I never. EVER. want to relive. From going to several of my friends funerals, to having to rediscover my faith, I feel like I had to grow up way too fast. I didn't enjoy high school. I didn't enjoy being bullied. I didn't enjoy saying goodbye to two of my best friends who moved away the day after graduation.
I feel like I am ready for something new,
I feel like I am ready for people to take me seriously.
To not look at me like "some 18 year old".
WOW that got pretty serious. Sorry homies! It's late. forgive me.
I recently found out who my roommates are, and I can't even begin to describe the excitement I have to meet these lovely girls, and become amazing friends. I am staying in the Mountain Loft apartments, so if you want to send me care packages (food), or letters (or food), I will be happy to give you my address! (but really I am a college student please help me)
I am taking a bunch of cool classes, (five to be exact). They are,
Russian
English
Orchestra
Math (less cool)
and
Religion.
I also got a super sick backpack so if that doesn't make me some friends then I don't know what will.
I still have some shopping to do, I need to get my bedding, and some kitchen supplies, and maybe a razor scooter, so I am not quite done getting ready.
So, as I move away, and I go on a mission and get married.. Don't forget to remind me to tell you guys I care about you. Because when my life gets hectic, I tend to become pretty narcissistic, and I don't really talk to anyone else.
But as college grows closer and my move out day looms in the distance, I can't help but feel... Pumped.
Time to hit the road.
Look out world. Here I come.
P.S. I can buy dry ice now. (and vote but that isn't nearly as cool obviously.)
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